That Chills in The Afternoon (part 2)

Before you grow up…

You know, the stuffs, like to do something by yourself, your parents become really busy at work, you have new family members (a.k.a new siblings, younger, and naughty; a.k.a one problem to my 99). When you feel that you’re no longer got that attention, when you’re no longer in the priority list, when you’re no longer in a good life you used to know. Everything happen just like, *puff* in the blink of your eyes. 

Then time goes, and goes by, faster than you will ever realized. And now, i’m here, student at a university in Jakarta, working and surviving on my 20th year since i came to this world. No longer that 7 years or 10 years old kid i used to know. I don’t know where he is, but perhaps he’s grounded or buried alone somewhere only God knows. I tried so hard, but the same happiness, the same joy, never come to greet me again, and may be it will never come. When you know that you’re alone in this world and you gotta be strong and surviving, because, you know, nobody cares enough to make sure you live or not. Nobody cares enough to check whether you’re fine or broken. Nobody does care that much, except yourself, finally. And God. (If you believe, and i hope you so..)

Everytime i see a child, i remember that little kid walking home from school at the after noon, with that chills that, maybe you couldn’t even imagine. That chills, when you know problems are not that big, wounds didn’t that hurt, or burden that are not that heavy to hold you down. You are surrounded by people around you who loves you, people who only like you as a little kid and no longer give a damn when you grow older. I just want people to know that, i’m fragile, we are fragile, as fragile they thought i was when i was a little child. I can’t barely lie, i’m childish. But nobody has ever taught me how to be adult. How to be mature. How to ride this ride alone. I even learn to ride my bike, my old-two-tired-bike alone. 

I’m jealous of you if you’re having older sister or brother, i’m jealous of you if you’re having lovely parents and family, and i’m jealous of you if you’re having things i want but i couldn’t get. I’m jealous because you are more, and i am less, but.. how if that’s the point of my life?


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